This cruel world
by Yumi Hinasaki 2
Summary: Armin Arlert was born as a female but he had never been comfortable like that. Now that he is an accepted male he finally feels like he belongs. But with him entering a relationship with his best friend Eren Yaeger new experiences await. In a cruel world like this love can't possibly last. Eren x Armin, Ftm Armin. Sexual themes, graphic imagery, character death.
1. Confession

Author note: I have wanted to write a fanfiction with one character in the chosen pairing as a trans-gender for a while now and after a lot of thought I decided on Armin...

Armin Arlert kept secrets. Only Eren and Mikasa knew about one of them. Armin's body was different from that of his fellow male comrades but he thought of himself as a male. But not a lot of people would understand. Eren knew about it because when they first met at a really young age Armin had been a female but was never extremely comfortable with being labeled as a girl. Mikasa knew after Armin told her. They both accepted him for who he was.

Armin couldn't ask for better friends but there was another secret that he hadn't shared. He had feelings for his best friend since he was twelve and he was almost sixteen now, he didn't know if this was normal. There was all this on top of fighting titans and the risk of getting killed. It would not be easy going up to your best friend who you have known since you were toddlers and saying "Hello Eren how are you? By the way I just wanted to say I have had homosexual feelings for you since I was twelve." It wouldn't be awkward in the slightest.

Armin was in such a daze thinking all this through he hadn't realized Eren calling his name multiple times. "Armin! Wake up!" Eren shouted. Armin jolted. "Ah! What's the matter?" Armin asked. "I could ask you the same question! I was asking you if you wanted dinner and you were just in a right daydream." Eren said. "I'm fine Eren. Yes I want dinner." Armin replied. "You don't look fine to me are you feeling ill?" Eren asked concerned. "I'm okay..." Armin replied. "Stop brushing it off you know I can tell when you're hiding something from me you have been doing this a while now." Eren said frowning.

Armin sighed. "I can't tell you what is wrong Eren it isn't anything for you to worry about anyway." Armin said mildly. "Shut up Armin it is every concern of mine you are my best friend." Eren said stubbornly. Armin sighed again. "You may not want to be my friend anymore..." Armin said sadly. "Don't be stupid I won't be angry whatever it is." Eren said fiercely. Armin blushed a little bit. "Eren I h-have always admired and respected you. You were always there for me and you didn't turn away when I decided that my gender identity is male. You rescued me from bullies. But since I was twelve I have had stronger feelings for you. I-it's no longer just friendship. I'm in l-love with you Eren." Armin stuttered the whole secret.

Eren's blinked "You love me? That's what you've been worrying about?" He said. There was a slight pause and then Eren began to chuckle. Armin looked up at Eren. "What are you laughing about?" He asked confused. Eren smiled. "It's was a silly thing to worry about. Armin I told you I would accept you no matter what. And I kind of had a feeling you had a crush on me. And I can't believe you never figured out that I'm in love with you too." Eren said in mock outrage. Armin blushed his eyes widened. Eren loved him too? It felt like it was all a dream.

Eren walked over to Armin and wrapped his arms around him in a gentle hug. Armin held him back and smiled, happy that Eren still accepted him and glad that Eren loved him back. But in this cruel world good things never lasted...


	2. Becoming one

Author note: A sex scene takes place in this chapter if you are not comfortable with this then read up to the third paragraph.

It was always difficult having to say goodbye to Eren when he had to go out on a separate mission. Armin worried about him so much when he was away. Eren in turn worried about Armin whenever they weren't together beyond the walls with the titans. They both dreaded receiving news that the other hadn't survived the mission. It was hard enough when they were only best friends it was even harder now that they were in a relationship with each other.

Eren was due back from a mission at any minute. They had been separated for a couple of months. Armin waited at the gate with Mikasa praying that Eren would return to them safe and sound. The gate opened and the scouts that went on the mission came through. There were a few injured and a few not there. Beyond the group was Eren, his hair a little more unkempt but he seemed to be in one piece nonetheless. Eren caught sight of Armin and rushed over to him.

They hugged each other very tightly relieved to just be in the safe embrace. They walked back to Eren's room holding hands both wanting some quality time together. They had been waiting for a very precious moment for a long while. They were going to make love to the each other. They sat on the bed. Eren touched Armin's cheek and kissed his lips. It started off gently and timidly and began to become more passionate.

Armin pushed Eren down and straddled his hips. Eren helped him remove his uniform and in turn removed Armin's uniform too leaving the chest binder and undergarments on. Armin began stroking Eren's chest and stomach, moving his hand towards his erection. Armin's hand shyly encircled Eren's penis, causing Eren to gasp. He slowly but firmly began move his hand. Eren groaned and grasped the covers tightly. Armin stopped gripping Eren's penis and he pulled his hand away.

Eren looked up questionably Armin blushed. "Why are you questioning it? You know full well what I want you to do." He said. Eren nodded. "I know but it will be very painful are you sure you want to do that position first?" He said worried. Armin nodded and moved further down the bed. With trembling hands he took off the undergarments and he positioned himself bending down onto it his knees. Eren fumbled for lotion and began to prepare Armin.

Armin gasped at the coldness and it was really painful but it also felt pretty good. Eren pulled his fingers out and carefully moved so he pushed his penis inside of Armin. Armin cried out but he stopped Eren from pulling out, telling him to start moving. It was a very painful process at first. Neither knew what to do and Eren could get a little overeager in his thrusts but with some gentle words of advice from Armin, he was able to slow down and move in a way that could be pleasurable to both himself and Armin.

After much struggle they both finally reached climax. Armin collapsed onto his front panting hard. Eren helped him into the duvet covers and Armin rested his head on Eren's chest. They both fell asleep in euphoria, appreciating each other's warmth...


	3. Something feels wrong

Something felt wrong with Armin, he didn't understand it something just felt different with him. He couldn't voice it to Eren since he was away for the moment. Armin was rather concerned about it. But he mostly tried to put it off feeling that it was probably his body developing a little further, he was still kind of growing.

He spent his days thinking up strategies and brushing off the pain in his stomach, it was just a bug, he kept on telling himself. It would go away. It wasn't until he was vomiting half the night while shaking and sweating that he decided it was not just a little bug. He took himself to the medical room with the aid of Mikasa.

"So from what I've learned you bind your chest and you have been engaging in sexual intercourse with a partner vaginal penetration am I correct?" The doctor available asked. Armin nodded with a blush. He had tried other positions with Eren since the first time they had sex.

"Well I can confirm that judging by your symptoms you are pregnant." The doctor finalized. Mikasa gripped Armin's hand as he went pale. This was the last thing he wanted to happen. He was physically weak there was no telling he would survive giving birth, the child may not be human and this was no world for any child. He had no intention of leaving the survey corps. Armin made his way back to his room wondering how on earth he was going to tell Eren...


	4. Amelia

Trigger warning: Mentions of child abuse please skip if you feel it is triggering for you.

Eren Yaeger was on his way back from his latest mission with the survey corps. He couldn't wait to see Armin again. It had been a long time ago when he had first met Armin but he wasn't called Armin back then. He was called Amelia when Eren had first met him.

_It was a summers day. Eren had been walking around town because he was bored and he didn't get on with the kids who lived nearby. He heard somebody crying and discovered a girl huddled on the ground. "Hey are you okay?" He asked kneeling down in front of her. The girl wiped her eyes. She blinked at Eren and hid her face behind the book she was holding. "You don't have to be nervous. I won't hurt you." He said reassuringly. He noticed she had cuts on her legs and arms. _

_He had taken her to his house to treat the cuts and they became good friends after that. He soon started to learn 'Amelia's' secrets. How her parents were always away and she stayed with her father's sister but she wasn't kind to her, she hit her if she got her dress muddy and told her to be more ladylike but 'Amelia' didn't want to be treated like a female. She didn't feel comfortable in dresses._

_Amelia was saved from her aunt after concerned after a concerned neighbor heard shouting coming from their house. She went to stay with her grandfather and changed her name to Armin and finally felt comfortable. The aunt died during the attack on Wall Maria..._

Eren snapped out of his reminiscence because he was nearing the gate where he would see the face of the one he loved with all his heart but he could not anticipate the news Armin would bring to him at his arrival...


	5. The long birth

Armin's hands were shaking in nervousness he could see Eren walking towards him, but he had to run excitedly to him to welcome him home. After a gentle hug and briefly kissing Armin told Eren he needed to talk in private. Eren followed Armin worrying about the seriousness of his voice. They went into a small room and sat down. "Armin what is it? Whoa you're hands are really trembling! Are you okay?!" Eren panicked.

"Eren...This is really hard to say. I-I'm pregnant... I am so sorry! I didn't intend for it to happen!" Armin blurted out his news. Eren's eyes widened. "R-really?." He replied. Armin nodded his face pale. "I'm so scared Eren." He mumbled. Eren put his arm around Armin holding him tightly. Armin trembled, tears streaming down his cheeks. They sat in silence the reality of their situation dawning on them.

Armin gradually started showing as the months went past. He grew more nervous as he had to endure many tests. Eren was just as scared as Armin as they had been told five months into the pregnancy that Armin's survival rate was not very good. Armin was no longer allowed to go on missions for the time being. Eren couldn't always be there for Armin.

Eren was sent away on a mission near the due date. He was hopefully going to be back in time to support Armin during the birth of their infant. He was on his way back when the accident happened. Armin was taking a gentle stroll and missed his footing on the concrete staircase. He lay in a heap on the floor in pain his head was bleeding and his arm was bent in a strange angle. Mikasa found him and carried him to the medical room.

While his injuries were being tended to a wave of pain flowed in his stomach. He felt a gush of liquid flow out of his body. "Shit! His waters have broken!" The medic on hand cried. Armin cried out holding Mikasa's hand tightly. Eren had arrived at the gate only to be told by a panicked Hanji that Armin had a fall and was in labour. Eren sprinted to the medical room and sat next to Armin squeezing his hand.

Armin weakly opened his eyes. "Eren..." He mumbled. "I'm here baby, it's okay." He said reassuringly. "Don't give up Armin you will be okay." Mikasa said in a calm voice. Armin cried out loudly. "Ahh! It hurts!" He screamed. It was a long, long process. Armin cried and screamed for death. Eren just wanted his suffering to be over. He yelled at the medics to do something. To stop Armin's agony.

Armin was finally able to push. He pushed as hard as he possibly could. He was dangerously pale and feverish. "One more push Armin." Mikasa said. Eren kissed Armin's hand. "Come on Armin push!" Armin screamed and pushed. Everything was a rush. Armin closed his eyes breathing heavily and a loud cry was heard. "Well done Armin you have a little girl." Armin didn't seem to hear the medic he was already asleep. Eren sighed thankful that there was no more screaming and agony. But it wasn't over yet...


	6. Farewell

I am so sorry for the contents of this chapter if you are a bit squeamish don't read the first chapter. Warning major character death in this chapter...

A few days had passed and Armin was gradually getting worse after bringing his daughter into the world. Eren was so worried. Armin could barely speak and he hardly opened his eyes either. His survival rate was dangerously low. His fever refused to go down and he couldn't move anymore. He couldn't keep any food down and he was vomiting blood constantly. There was so much blood after the birth. It was horrific.

Eren cried and prayed for Armin's survival he couldn't see a world without Armin there. Mikasa sat on Armin's other side trying to stay strong even though she was falling apart at the thought of losing another member of her remaining family. Armin felt guilty for putting them through so much pain.

There was no more hope left Armin got so bad he didn't even seem to register anything when he was awake. Eren felt helpless there was nothing that could be done to help Armin. They had to watch him die slowly and painfully. Armin could not stop crying. It was the worst pain he had ever felt in his life he just wanted it to be over. He knew he wasn't going to survive.

They all prepared for the worst. The other members of their trainee squad came to see Armin and say goodbye to him. They had been let in on Armin's secret. When they had all said there goodbyes Mikasa entered the room to say her goodbye to Armin. She sat down beside him and took his hand. "Mikasa..." Armin said quietly. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"I tried to keep it together for yours and Eren's sakes. But I can't do it! I don't want to lose you Armin! You're part of my family and I love you so much. I promise I'll look after your little girl. She will be loved and protected I will make sure of that." Mikasa sobbed. "I know you will Mikasa, I love you too. Thank you for always being there for me. For being like my sister. Please continue to look after Eren for me I know he will fall apart but with your help I know he will get stronger. Goodbye Mikasa. You were one of the best friend's that I ever had." Mikasa kissed Armin's forehead. "Goodbye Armin..." She replied and walked out of the room. Eren went in after squeezing Mikasa's shoulder.

Eren sat next to Armin. Armin looked up at him. "Eren..." He said. Eren gently lifted Armin into his arms, cradling him. "Armin I don't want you to go!" He cried. "I don't want to leave either Eren! I'm so sorry that I have to die but please don't blame our daughter. I thought of a name for her will you listen to it? I would like to call her Aurelia with your surname." Armin told Eren what he wanted for their daughter's name. Eren smiled sadly. "I have no complaints it is a beautiful name." Armin smiled.

"Eren I love you so much. You have always been there by my side since we were little children. You protected me from bullies comforted me when my aunt hit me and I am so grateful to have had you as my best friend and my lover. I am happy we have a child even though I won't live to watch her grow up. But I know she will be looked after. Thank you for everything you have done. Goodbye my love." Armin said his goodbye.

"Armin you have always smiled and laughed with me you have calmed me down in bad situations and you have saved my life loads of times. I am privileged to have had you in my life. You are so precious to me. Even though you have gone through so much pain bringing Aurelia into the world you were so brave. You never gave yourself enough credit. You never believed you were wonderful and you are. You're beautiful and I love you with all my being. Farewell to you my beloved." Eren was crying as he was telling Armin how much he valued him. He pressed their lips together in their last kiss.

Armin closed his eyes comforted to be in Eren's arms as he was slipping away. His vision had become blurry and he felt the pain fading away. Gradually he passed away with a small smile on his face. Peaceful for the first time since Aurelia was born. Eren sobbed his tears falling onto Armin's body. He remembered their childhood together and how Armin would never be able to see the ocean. 'I will make it to the ocean Armin. You had better be there by my side when it happens...' Armin Arlert was loved by his friends and it would never be the same without him there...


	7. Life without you

_Armin..._

_I made it to the ocean, I defeated all the titans but you are not here to see it. The ocean is truly as beautiful as we initially thought. The fields of sand and the burning water are amazing too. Our little girl is growing up so fast. She strongly resembles you but she has my eyes. She reads a lot. Mikasa has been helping me raising her a lot. I lost it after you died baby. I didn't want to go on without you. I miss having you lying next to me in bed. I miss your smile, your laugh. I just miss you and I wish we could be raising Aurelia together. I wish we could have been a family. I wish that I didn't have to watch you slowly and painfully die in front of my eyes. There is nothing I want more than to just be with you again, to sit next to you and watch you read. You were the only one I ever loved in a romantic sense. We will see each other again one day I'm sure but for now I just have to keep watching over Aurelia. I have been raising her like how you would have raised her if you were here. She reads a lot and is very intelligent and curious about a lot of things. I made a vow to look after her and I have stuck to it. I truly do love her. She is our precious little girl. Armin I just wish I could see your face. I can sometimes feel your presence and it is comforting to know you are here but we can't ever properly be together. I love you so much. _

_Eren._


End file.
